Letting Go of Me

Have you noticed that, for some people, God’s personality is mysteriously similar to theirs? Sometimes, if we’re dead set on getting our way, the way we see God’s will is going to magically line up with our will. He wants you to have that big house that overextends your budget because God wants the best for you and, darn it, you deserve it. God does think you’re being persecuted because people disagree with you, and it’s not at all because you have zero tact and a big mouth. You see, that kind of thing is not Christianity, that’s just us having an imaginary friend to justify our lousy behavior.

A Sinfully Transmitted Disease
History bears this kind of thinking out as the norm. In the Church, God’s politics have (except for a few supernatural instances) always matched up with Christian’s selfish desires. Reason being is that as soon as we got a nugget of control, we relegated God to backseat and started driving on the sidewalk. Wars, murders, slavery, and oodles of injustice have been done through a misreading of scripture and a, let’s say, creativeunderstanding of the Creator.
That’s called sin, boys and girls. And, as much as we’d like to believe it, we haven’t reached some point of enlightenment where we’re not prone to wander off the straight and narrow down those side streets. We carry the dead weight of the old Adam (our sin nature) on our shoulders and are prone to listening to his fetid whispers. Doesn’t matter if you’re a modern-day Pharisee or a grace-talking follower of the faith, the temptation is always there to frown at the ways of God we don’t like and just… tweak them.
Spiritually Spiritualizing Spirituality
Part of the problem is that we over-spiritualize the Faith so that it always has to do with “spiritual things” but not much to do with how or why we act the way we do. Doing what I want to do, giving in to my lusts, is always easier than actually trusting God. 
What if I search the word of God with fear and trembling, and trust the Spirit to guide me, and I don’t like what happens? 
What if I lose control and my dreams don’t come true? 
What if everything I love is stripped from me and I end up preaching the word to a man-eating tribe in the deepest darkest jungles? 
What if I don’t get my new SUV?
Master of My Destiny
We just think that we can run our lives better than God. And, for some reason, we always think God wants to hurt us with His will. As His children, He treats us as any loving Father would (except He’s actually the perfect Father). He knows when a hair falls from our heads, and, after all, he who knew no sin became sin for us.
Believe me, I want to hold on. My knuckles are white from holding on. I get it. I’m not preaching down to you, I’m mostly just talking out loud here. God’s been gracious enough to show me what I do to me. I’ve seen what following after my most twisted desires gets me. And it ain’t good. And it’s far from anything like God’s will.

But he hasn’t given up on me yet. Never will. And I feel my fingers slipping. I’m still nervous. A little scared. But knowing His perfect love for me—letting that sink into my thick skull—gives me a new feeling. One I never felt before. I might call it… anticipation… hope.

-Chad West

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